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In any case, I feel certain, as one might consider fitting, that my deepest, darkest descent into despair and madness, when the world juiced me dry against its cruelest rasp, happened underground. I woke in darkness, unable to feel my legs. To my right, I felt a ceramic, tile wall, to my left, faucet feeds and a drain trap. I sat with my back against a wall and my knees tucked under my chin. I grabbed an ankle in each hand and walked my feet out away from me until my legs lay flat along the floor. Then I righted my torso and pushed up, supporting my weight with my hands. The nonidentical twin sensations of prickling pain and cadaverous cold oozed slowly into my thighs. I was intact. I was also impatient. Correctly supposing I was sitting under a countertop, I leaned forward and hooked my hands up over it. With that initial grip on reality, I pulled myself out into the floor of the bathroom proper. Though lucid, I felt confused and disoriented, a paradoxically comfortable condition. ”“You can test that theory by asking Tasha or me to marry you. Care to do that?”I shook my head, “No, because I understand your point.”“Good. Then it’s clear what you need to do - fuck my brains out tonight, go to confession, ask Elizaveta’s dad for her hand, and propose to her.”“Seriously?”“Seriously. Ask her dad for her hand, and then propose.”I laughed, hard.“That’s not quite what I was questioning,” I said once I stopped laughing.“I know! Just think about it, Mike.”“You know I’ll pay a heavy price for that with Father Nicholas, given what I told him.”“I know. And that’s why I said think about it. I’ll understand. But we’ve been clear and upfront with each other on everything so far, so I felt I could be direct.”“Minus you hiding the fact you were Russian before you thanked me for saving your life! And that you were sixteen!”“I know, but you understand why, right?”“Yes, of course. I don’t feel it was underhanded, given how I know I would have reacted, and I would have missed out.
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